Expectations

A lot of people puts so much expectation on me. They see me as somebody, that I don't really see in myself. I'm very unpredictable, and that's for sure. I felt flattered having all those expectations on me, but behind that I asked myself, will I be able to meet those expectations? Every time I tried to meet those expectations, I don't feel being myself. Because I don't see the things they were trying to let me see. Although, I feel happy in meeting their expectations, that happiness is not a "TRUE" one. Why? I don't know either. I still felt something is missing.

Right now, I think I failed some of their expectations on me. I feel sad, but I don't feel bad at all. I just want to be me without those expectations. And I guess, I'm much better without all those expectations.

The reasons why I don't want to expect too much on me, because first, I don't want to feel bad every time I won't be able to achieve what I want. And second, it feels great when you received something you didn't anticipate at all.

I don't want expectations from others, rather I want to live in my own set of expectations. So that I don't have to mind their feelings about it. The guilt will always be mine.

Expectations for me is somehow synonymous to goals or aspiration. Why? When you set a goal for yourself, you somehow expect that you will be able to achieve it in the near future, right? So, I'm not saying I don't expect something on me. I still have my list of self-expectations, however those expectations of mine are attainable and is not beyond my capacity.