FOCUS

The licensure exam is fast-approaching, and here I am I can't still find myself committed into it. I'm so bothered with my family's problem. And I want those to be settled first before I start reviewing for the exam. Whenever I felt like giving up and losing my hopes up, I always find myself saying "God will make a way, if there seems to be no way." I just have to Trust His plan. ^_^ I just hope that 60 days will be more than enough for me to regain my energy to focus for the licensure exam.

Another Ordinary Sunday

I'm so bored! Here I am in front of my laptop while all my classmates are reviewing for the upcoming Nurse Licensure Exam. Perhaps you're all wondering why I wasn't there? I'm RESTING! Because I'm not feeling well, in short I'm SICK. And seriously, I don't feel like studying for now. I mean HELLO!!!! I've just finished SCHOOL and now WHAT? STUDY again? OH COME ON!!! Give me a BREAK!!! If I push myself too much I might end up learning nothing. Because its so hard to learn if your not in the mood to do so. Also, I'm going to review outside the school premise, it will start probably next week and from then on I have enough energy to STUDY all those tedious notes. And besides I will not DIE if I didn't attend our review class at school, but rather I will DIE if I do so. Why? Because my brain cells will be damage rapidly! ^_^ and I really don't have the energy, coz I'm sick!

Anyway, you know what it's so weird because I can't help but think of him! You might all be wondering who am I pertaining ayt? Well, I won't tell it publicly leave me a message if you're curious! LOLz!!! I don't know why!!! But I guess I'm starting to LIKE him. CRAP!!! I'm messed up!!! I mean… I LOVE 'J' and now I LIKE '_'!!! tsk tsk!!! How can I easily fall like this!!! deyM!!! I'd better learn how to handle my heart. Because I shouldn't fall for this guy! He's totally out of LEAGUE!!! And I'm sure he wouldn't fall for me coz hmmm I dunno! DANG!!!

I'd better end up this blog entry, coz I might spill up my little secret about who this guy is!!! ^_^

Another Unsent Letter

Dear _ O _ N,


I was surprised because you're gone in my facebook friend's list. I'm not sure what had happened with your account, did u cancelled your account? or perhaps it was just the facebook management fault. And then I've realized without facebook, without ym, without email, our communication is gone. I really felt our friendship is over. And I can't do anything on it. I don't exist in your world without those. Sometimes I think you were just a figment of my imagination, because you never really exist in reality...

I miss you so much ~ and it hurts! I still have to wait for months and worst years until I get there, to finally meet you. :(

Unexpected Sunday

I had a sunday class from 8am till 5pm. After our class, my bestfriendMean, Lara & I attended the Sunday Mass @ the SM mEgamall. Oh I almost forgot we were with Rein.



While waiting for the start of the mass, Lara & I was chatting quietly, and she opened up to me about Cris. So Cris and her friend was going out and texting blah blah. At first I was like oK! what's next? I thought I was fine, since it was almost a year ago when Cris and I went out together. But then, before I knew it I was talking to God and asking Him to pls heal the unseen wound in my heart. My prayer was answered right then and there, at the end of the mass Im feeling much better, I guess its a matter of letting go and letting God. And everything will fall into its right place. Anyway, the most unexpected thing that happened to me today was... I opened up my facebook to write something on my status message, and as I look at my usual featured friends, someone's missing, guess who? it was my Dear John. I'm not sure if he deleted me or he discontinued using his facebook, all I know was tears are flowing in my eyes. Ouch!!! What's the point of doing that?



I'm feeling so devastated. SERIOUSLY!!! Why is it happening to me?! and then I've realized if God is with me I need not to worry anything. From now on I will stop worrying about my love life. I know what I want, that's why I choose to wait Faithfully. God has a better plan for me, I may not know it for now. But it will unveil in the right time, and in the right place.

Fill in the blanks

Dear _ _ _ _,

I only have a few words to say and yet I don't know how to tell it to you, because my existence is long forgotten.

I just want you to know that I miss you, I miss you, I miss you and I miss you. And I'm still waiting for the day that our roads will finally cross.


Signed with love,
Kylie

Forgetting J

I truly love him, I'm certain on that matter, though I know the fact that we haven't actually met in person. I remember what he told me before, that I should use my mind, and think all over and over and over again what I was saying blah blah blah. Whatever, I don't want to use my brain cells on this matter.

A few weeks ago, I opened up everything to my friends (S.A.W. Fab) and they cited different point of view about my situation. And I came to realized that they were somehow right. Sometimes I have to be in control of my emotions, I should take control of my emotions not the other way around. Their suggestions are not that easy for me, but I guess somehow I need to let go of what I felt for him. Why? Because there's really nothing to expect, in the first place I guess it was just me who had fallen. Ugh! I'm so confused really! I know it seems like I do have a lot of crushes blah blah! But it was just a mere infatuation and it's incomparable to what I really feel for him. I am more serious on my feelings for him more than the other; however, I can tell that he doesn't feel the same way as I do.

So I guess I have to bid adieu to my feelings for him, but it doesn't mean that I have to forget him at all. I will just save what is left in the deepest part of my heart. Because who knows maybe someday he'll feel the same, maybe in our next life.

I want to shout out loud that he's the only one I wanted to take care of. But I guess we were really like the sun and moon, never meant to meet until eclipse.

Farewell 'care bear'! I know this is what you want, because you keep on pushing me away.

Student Council Election

Before I decided to run for student council election, I do have so many friends. But then the moment I decided to run, many of them are gone and only a few of my friends stayed with me until the final day of the election. At first I was really disappointed to them, because they never tried to listen to my side, they've only heard the other side of the story. Eventually, I've realized I never had the feeling of regrets for deciding to run because I now knew who my true friends are and who are not.

Seriously, the whole thing was really an impulsive decision. Right before I knew it I was submitting my certificate of candidacy and then my name was written on the posters.

Before things eventually falls into place, I've prepared myself for whatever the outcome will be. I've much prepared myself for losing to my opponent. It's not being a pessimist; I was just basing things on the fact that my standing/our group standing is 40-60, 40% chance of winning and 60% chance of losing.

So the way I calculated things, we lose. But then seriously I never felt bad about losing. I don't know it's really weird huh?! Perhaps I've prepared myself so much to this kind of end result. I was just a bit disappointed coz none of my party mates made it to the list. And I quite blame myself for this because I didn't put much effort for campaigning. So when I told them about the final counting of votes, I made sure that they are fine and still happy about the whole experience. And good thing I've also prepared them for this. I wouldn't forget the first meeting I had with them, I told them "guys, keep in mind it doesn't matter if we win or not… just enjoy and value the whole experience because none of this will happen the same way again." It's true, if I'm not mistaken this is the first Student Council Election in our school which is very controversial.

 

If people would ask me about my experience regarding the election… the honest answers I can give to you are:

• I'm glad, because in my last year of college life I've experienced how to campaign, how to speak in front and convince the people to vote for you, I've experienced how hard it is to think of something creative for your slogans and posters, and most especially I've set aside the introverted side of me and transformed myself into an extrovert type. And somehow, I've had reach out into some of my fellow student's heart.
  
• I always have a good image from everyone around me, but then when I run for the SC, I've experienced the very worse, that there is a point where people are trying to put you down by talking shit about you which is not really true. They will try to tear you up into pieces. They will not see your good side but focuses on the bad, if they can't find one they will make one just to crash you. Some of them are the people you thought are friends and some are people who doesn't really know you at all. At first, I almost want to give up and wish things were back into normal. But thanks to the people who gave me strength and never believed in any of those stupid lies. They told me not to give up, and for once I should stand for something which I thought was right.
  
• Even though I lose this battle, I've gained new special friends. They are the people which I never expected to be on my side in times like this. And I'm really happy and blessed for knowing them.
  
• I've also seen the good and bad side of politics. And I've applied what I have learned from my politics class.
  
• And to top it all, despite of what had happened, at the end of the day I've become a much better person. And become stronger more than I ever thought I could be.
  

Seriously, I never really cried over the result of the tallying I don't know why… perhaps it was not worth it to cry over something like that. I'm just so touched with all those people who felt bad about the result, they also show their concerns over my feelings towards it. But like what I've said I'm not lying that I'm fine. I kept telling them "don't be sad about it, kasi baka mahawa ako niyan." J

In the game of life, it is true that it is in the human nature to be eager to win every challenge. But then losing is also winning the greatest lesson of all. You become much better the next time you get into the battlefield of life, right before you knew it.

Once again, I would like to thank all those people who have stayed there for me. Thanks for never stop believing!

Special thanks to:

• My Group 1 family: this is not the end of our endeavors, there are yet more to come. I'm just glad that no matter what we are still bonded.
  
• To Ate Tin, Ate Rox, Lily, & Margaux: thank you for everything! I'm blessed for knowing you guys! Thank you for letting me in into your circle of friends.
  
• To some of my ASK family: Thank you because despite of what had happened you guys use your personal judgment on things. Thank you because you have seen the "leader" side of me, you know who you are.
  
• My buddies: John, Gumz, and Adik thanks you for your advices!
  
• To my bestfriend & sister Mean: thank you for always listening to me actively and giving out the best of your advice!
  
• And lastly, thanks to my mama for respecting and supporting my decision to run for the SC presidency. I know you doesn't want me to but you let me experienced it. Thank you for listening to me. I love you mama!
  

Actually, the word thank you is not enough to show how much thankful and blessed I am to this people.

Oh well, till here! Back to regular class na! Hehe

Betrayal

So this is how it feels like being betrayed by a friend…

How would you feel if the person whom you considered a friend dated the guy you dated before?

I know I don't have the right to be mad because there was never really an "us" in the first place. But then I know that my friend is aware that I still like that guy, and I even shared almost everything about that guy to her. And then all of a sudden I would hear from her that he dated that guy!

All this time akala ko fate yung dahilan kung bakit parati ko nakikita si "C" sa tapat ng school, yun pala tinitxt lang nung friend ko!

Naaasar ako sa ginawa niya. Pinagkatiwalaan ko siya tapos eto pa yung makukuha ko! Seriously, right now I don't know kung maibabalik ko pa yung TRUST ko sa kanya. At natatakot na ko magpakilala sa kanya ng guy na I like since this might happen again. All this time I thought nagbago na siya, yun pala pati sa akin gagawin niya din yun. Ngayon naniniwala na ako na kapag gusto niya yung guy gagawin niya lahat mapasa kanya lang, and it doesn't matter to her kahit may kaibigan siyang masasaktan.

And all I get is SORRY? Ano gagawin ko sa sorry niya? Nangyari na ang kinatatakutan ko. Its nonsense!

Right now I'm quite confused. Why on earth does she have to tell me all those things? If she can keep it to herself naman? I think there's something going on between them.

Upon hearing everything from her, I thought wala lang sa akin. Pero later on, I felt so betrayed of what had happened.

Hindi ako galit sa kanya, pero galit ako sa ginawa niya. She doesn't even considered our friendship… especially the TRUST I gave her.

Habang sinasabi niya sa akin lahat, I was observing her. And she can't look straightly into my eyes. CRAP! And she was saying na kaya niya sinabi sa akin lahat ng yun kasi friend niya ko! Pero hindi man lang niya naisip na FRIEND niya ko nung nag DATE sila!

I don't know, pero right now I can't take what she did to me. It was really hard kasi parati kami magkasama sa duty and lectures. So perhaps I can get along with her professionally, pero as a friend katulad ng dati where TRUST is involve, mukhang Malabo na.

Napaka babaw para pagawayan ang isang lalaki, grabe! Kaya hindi ko siya inaway or something when she told me this things. Pero you can't blame me kung hindi ko na maibabalik yung trust ko sa kanya. I've had enough! Magsama sila kung dun sila Masaya!