No Boyfriend Since Birth

"I'm not looking for one person to love. I'm not deliberately looking anymore. But my eyes are wide open for many lovable persons out there who are equally capable of giving me love. "– Claire Betita (No Boyfriend Since Birth)

While reading the pocketbook entitled No Boyfriend Since Birth by Claire Betita, I find myself dipping into the personality of Rudie, which is the main character in the novel. We were sort of riding the same boat. I'm kind of feeling self-pity that I don't have anybody to call mine. I know, I'm still young but then it is in the human nature that when you reach the age of early adult you feel like looking for somebody to be with, I'm not talking about the social relationship but more on the intimate one of course.

When I asked my family or friends, they kept on saying that there's nothing wrong with me. As a matter of fact, they never failed to tell me that I'm pretty, smart, cute, lovable, etc. But I can't help but wonder why can't I be liked by the guys I like? I guess guys nowadays are blind or perhaps insensitive.

I am surrounded by a lot of adorable guys but it seems like none of them are interested in me. Do you know how bad I felt about that? It's like I do not exist, it's like I'm invisible at all.

Oh my I can't help but feel like wallowing! There is this instance I ever think and done going blind dates, ask guys out, and hang out at a place with guy-heavy traffic. But none of them really works.

If I have to define the term BOYFRIEND in my perspective, it's an intimate relationship not less than a month of commitment to each other. I haven't been committed to anyone. Most of my relationships with guys are just flings. And I want more serious than that. I've learned that flings are just temporary and it was just for fun and when you fall for that person you were flinging with, you only have a few chance of hope that you two will go to the next level. And since a fling is having no commitment at all, anytime the guy would just drop you off leaving you half-empty and then you'll see him flirting with another woman.

I always tell myself that I know how to play the game, but then at the end I always find myself a loser, because I cried tons of tears every time I was left out hanging. But then even if I lose I also win a lesson from it. So its true that when you lose you also win. I just hope that it won't be to late for love to come my way.

For now I won't rush things to fall into places. I have to enjoy & learn for the "meantime".

'ok lang naman na walang magsabi sa akin ng "i love you", pwede ko naman sabihin I LOVE MYSELF, Ingat ako, kumain na ba ako'... haha ^_^

The Last Token

Wherever I go, I always carry with me a token. I kept it inside the side pocket of my cell phone casing. When my friends borrow my phone, they always notice that token. So they begin asking me a question about that token. The usual answer I gave them back is that, 'it's something that reminds me of a friend.'

As far as I could remember, we've used that token for a karaoke machine. I had kept two tokens with me, but I lost the other one. So I'm trying to keep the last token safe.

Some people might find that token ordinary, but for me that is priceless. The place where I got that token is somewhere in manila. That was the first time I went to that kind of place, and I have no idea when would I get back to that place again.

I'm looking forward to use that last token with the same person I'm with the last time I went there, and I'm keeping it for a final song with him.

I'm not sure if things would turn out to something I want, but then that last token signifies my last chance to prove something to that person. I believe that there is this 50% possibility that things would work out just fine, and the other 50% is the opposed of the first possibility. But whatever happens I would still love to use that last token against all odds with him.